Right expressive, constructive criticism.

6. Stimulation of the initiative.

7. Setting goals and reinforcing tasks.

What is each step and how to carry it out correctly?

Шаг первый - ЛЮБОВЬ.

Many parents are genuinely indignant when they are asked if they love their children. “Of course, but what else?” or “Are you completely stupid?” But often parental love is for many children a purely theoretical condition of their lives. Children simply assume that their parents love them and assume most often because their parents have repeatedly told them about it. But words that are not confirmed by anything remain just words. Talking about riding a bike is not the same as riding a bike, is it?

Все наши слова, мысли, убеждения проявляются в поведении, в конкретных actions. If человек говорит, что ему важно быть здоровым, но при этом за своим здоровьем не следит, то значит, что ему оно не важно. It is the same with love for your children: you can repeat to yourself and your own children as much as you like about your love for them, but if the child sees and hears only irritated, unrestrained, eternally dissatisfied parents, then what will he call love? Will he believe that his parents love him, and in this way they show this love?

In psychology, it is believed that the love that surrounds a child in the first years of life forms in him a basic trust in life, in other people, in himself. And this is quite logical: a child who is loved and to whom this love is shown is not afraid of those who show this love. And how can you not be afraid of a mother who screams, a father who can hit her butt or just suddenly raise her voice scary?

Love is expressed in many ways, but the main ones are: providing for the vital needs of the child, attention to the child and spending time together, kind words, kisses and hugs, approval, physical contact.

When children do not have enough of this, it is very difficult to believe that they are really loved. Love is expressed in actions, in concrete deeds, and not just in words. If муж бьет жену, то как-то сложно поверить, что он ее любит, а в отношении детей многие придерживаются именно такой точки зрения.

There is such a term "refusenik syndrome". They usually characterize newborn babies abandoned by their mothers in the maternity hospital. Since no one shows care and attention to them, does not hug, does not press to the chest, the children very quickly understand that it is useless to cry. They either do not cry at all, or do it very rarely. Despite the necessary nutrition and care, children with "refusenik syndrome" grow more slowly and are usually more painful than children who are surrounded by love and care from the first days of life.

Often they do not know that they are worthy of love, because no one shows this love to them. Such children, deprived of love, grow up as gloomy pessimists, suffer from depressive disorders, and are simply dissatisfied with life.

Even in early childhood, they did not learn that they are worthy of love and therefore they carry this burden on themselves all their lives. But even if they are happy for show and flaunt their unshakable self-confidence, then often, behind this bravado lies a small child who lacks someone to say and show him that he is worthy of love not for some reason, but just like that, because that he just is.

People who grew up and were brought up in orphanages and shelters from early childhood, if they grow up self-confident and able to love, are truly an example of fortitude and the best personal qualities. But, unfortunately, there are many hundreds of such units and they are rather an exception. That кем они становятся, чаще всего - их личная заслуга и собственные усилия по формированию себя как счастливого и успешного человека.

If ребенку не показывать свою любовь или если ребенок в недостаточной степени испытывает ее, то он страдает практически тем же "синдромом отказника", только в несколько видоизмененной и смягченной форме.

It should be remembered that if your child is not sure that he is worthy of love, then there is no need to talk about self-confidence.

But for the harmonious development of a person, an inadequate or excessive manifestation of love can be no less dangerous than its lack. Поскольку любовь проявляется, прежде всего, через заботу, то и это явление имеет собственное название - "ГИПЕРОПЕКА".

Hyper-custody is characterized by an excessive manifestation of love, care and guardianship itself. This такой тип "любви", когда без внимания любящего родителя не остается ни один шаг ребенка, ни единственный его поступок. The child is deprived even of the opportunity to do at least something in his own way. Any initiative and самостоятельность убивается на корню и все это делается под флагом любви и забоYou. Since the very manifestation of love and care is excessive here, many reactions of parents will have an exaggerated appearance.

So any illness will be perceived as the end of the world, any bruise and fall of a child will be equated to a serious injury with irreparable consequences for life and will be accompanied by oohs and aahs. But it is precisely by seeing such a reaction of his parents that the child learns to react himself. Вы ахнули и испугались оттого, что ваш ребенок упал - он непременно расплачется. Вы сильно ахнули - тогда ваш малыш устроит вам истерику на полчаса. Seeing his tears, you rush to soothe your child, and then, unable to stand it, at best, yell at him: “what is he such a bum” and “let him roar as much as he wants” and “you said so.” Но это - только один из вариантов проявления гиперопеки.

In the second case, having provided for the possibility of the appearance of all his bruises, bruises, bumps and abrasions, you simply exclude the very possibility of their appearance, while instructing him about all sorts of types of danger lurking at every corner. There is no possibility for such children to fall and hurt themselves. With such a demonstration of love and care from parents, the child has three scenarios for the development of his personality:

FIRST

При ярких эмоциональных реакциях родителей - развитие тревоги или агрессии, восприятие мира как агрессивной среды, которая, в обязательном порядке, причинит боль. The same attitude in already matured children is formed towards people: all people are evil, they want to deceive, offend, and in general "homo homini lupus est" (man is a wolf to man. (lat.)).

SECOND

The complete absence of any initiative and the expectation that an omniscient parent will tell you where you can poke your nose and where not. It is possible that this is not the worst option for raising an obedient boy or girl. But it is foolish to think, educating a child with uncomplaining obedience, that when he grows up, he will suddenly become proactive, independent and able to independently manage his own life and make at least some significant decisions regarding, at least, himself.

THIRD

Cynicism and disregard for the very feeling of love and for the people who demonstrate it, the perception of love as a weakness, the development of emotional coldness and complete rejection any manifestations of emotions, fear of love in particular.

Can a cowardly and anxious person be self-confident?

How to make sure that love for a child does not suddenly turn into a feeling that interferes with his free development, and how to show it correctly?

For того чтобы чувствовать себя счастливым человеку достаточно восемь поцелуев и объятий в день.

But do not limit yourself to only this amount, especially in infancy. As long as the child is not yet able to walk, you can hug him as much as you want. When the baby is already taking the first steps on his own, his independence manifests itself and he will come himself for the necessary parental caress and care. В этот момент главное - не отталкивать его.

The older the child becomes, the less often he will need your hugs and kisses, but you should not assume that he does not need them at all. It will not be superfluous if you yourself come up several times a day and hug or kiss him. You can even say nothing at the same time, he will understand everything by your actions.

The manifestation of your care is also worth controlling, do not let your feeling turn into an all-consuming guardianship. Let your child get bumps and bruises, that's what he learns from. Do not groan and gasp, and then, having fallen, your child will rise and try again, instead of crying and seeking your solace.

When my kids were little, they were constantly falling, scratching, getting burned, but never crying for more than 10 seconds. But, after all this experience, they know that it is better not to lean against the hot stove, and you should not poke your hands in the closet door when they close. When my children need support and care, they themselves come to us and ask for our attention. We do not protect them from small bumps and bruises and do not interfere with their knowledge of the world.

In expressing your love for a child, there is one important rule: do not lisp. In no case do not lisp. Under no circumstances should you lisp with your child. When communicating with a child, it is worth treating him as an adult full-fledged member of his family, while making allowances for age.

You can show your love for a child as an adult, while avoiding lisping and communicating with him as with an unreasonable creature. When you talk