else not so widely known. And this applies to everything first and new for us, the development of each new type of activity. And the baby has everything new!

Every new day he is faced with something that did not exist in his reality before. But, parents very often forget about it, they simply do not take into account that the child does not know those things that are obvious to parents. That is why you can meet a mother who, walking along the street with a child, suddenly begins to yell heart-rendingly: "Don't get in there!!! Well, as much as possible! I told you!!!". Most often, in such exclamations, a lot of emotions are heard, a lot of irritation and almost no information. Soие возгласы - это именно нотации и причитания. For some reason, many parents perceive such lamentations as rules. But, in fact, they are not rules.

Первый критерий, которому должны соответствовать правила - это информативность.

Parents, remember: the rules must make sense, they must carry information in addition to emotional. Instead, we usually say: how many times have I asked you not to go there? - в надежде, что ребенок будет обходить лужи.

If вы считаете, что ваш ребенок не должен ходить по лужам, то все, что от вас требуется - сказать ему об этом. This просто: "По лужам не ходить" или " Мы не ходим по лужам". This важный момент, который стоит запомнить.

Rules should contain information, not emotions.

If вы хотите, чтобы ваш ребенок выполнял правила не из-за страха от вашего крика, не из-за боязни вашего присутствия и не только при вас, но и тогда, когда нет вашего непосредственного контроля, то в таком случае, вы должны обращаться к consciousness and in the language of consciousness, and not in the language of emotions.

Emotions are also an effective way to force a child to do something or not to force, but to create a situation in which it will be interesting and emotionally beneficial for the child to follow your rules. For того чтобы выполнение правил превратилось в систематическое поведение сами правила должны быть изложены системно и представлять собой слаженную систему.

2. The second feature of the rules that you impose on the behavior of your child, the rules that your child must comply with, is that these rules must be explained.

In case you want to form your child's understanding and awareness of not only a specific "impossible" or "possible", but the whole direction, all the sets of "impossible" and "possible", if you want him to master the system, thanks to which the distinction between "impossible" and "possible" occurs, which goes beyond the framework of the voiced, then you must explain these rules to the child. This is especially true for prohibitions. That есть, говоря, что "мы не будем ходить по лужам" нужно объяснять почему: "потому что в лужах обувь промокнет и у тебя будут мокрые ноги, а от мокрых ног можно заболеть, а болеть - это плохо". The older the child, the shorter the logical chain of explanations can be made: “don’t walk through the puddles, otherwise you will get sick” or “don’t walk through the puddles, otherwise your feet will get wet.”

3. Третий аспект, который необходимо учитывать, когда вы составляете или озвучиваете некоторые правила поведения своим детям - вы должны сообщить своему ребенку о том, что будет, если ребенок ваше правило не выполнит. But he will not fulfill it, because there are no children who have never violated the rules, and there are no children who would immediately take on faith what they are told and do not try to verify the truth of the words spoken.

That есть вы не просто говорите: "мы не ходим по лужам, потому что в лужах промокают ноги, а так больше вероятность заболеть", но и добавляете: "If ты будешь ходить по лужам, то…". And the main thing here is to voice the quite realistic “that ...”, which will arise if the rule is not followed: “then we turn around and go home”, “then mom will be upset”, “then I will tell dad”. It is impossible to describe and give an example of the entire list of "things" that may arise if the child does not comply with the rule voiced.

It should be understood that the voiced consequences must be real. You should not tell the child that if he steps into a puddle, then Babai will come, or aliens will fly in and take this child with them.

4. Четвертое условие для того, чтобы правила работали - их необходимо выполнять.

It would seem that this is the simplest part, but it is with it that problems most often arise. Many parents expect their child to follow the rules, but do not bother to follow the rules of behavior they have voiced. If мама или папа говорят, что если ребенок будет ходить по лужам, то они закончат гулять и пойдут домой, то так и следует сделать.

That есть последствия, которые описывают родители своим детям в случае не their implementation of the rules must be followed by the parents. That is why the description of the consequences must be realistic and feasible. In this regard, dads and moms should be very balanced about what will happen if the rules are not followed.

When describing the consequences if the rules are violated, it is worth remembering that the consequences promised by the parents must occur immediately. That есть сразу после нарушения правила, а не по возвращении домой. Children, unlike adults, live "here and now", so it is difficult for them to connect their action with the delayed consequences of this action. Даже если оно отсрочено всего на 20 - 30 минут.

When implementing the consequences that the parent spoke about, it is necessary to remind the child about why this consequence arose and once again remind the child and the rule: "We are going home because you walked through the puddles, and we agreed that if you walk through the puddles, then we immediately go home.

5. The fifth condition for the rules to work:

The rules for the child must be voiced and repeated each time before the occurrence of a situation to which these rules relate. That есть оговаривать поведение на улице или в магазине следует еще до того, как вы вышли на улицу или зашли в магазин.

The rules must be repeated until the child remembers them and begins to follow without your reminder.

6. After voicing the rules of behavior to the child, it is necessary to obtain his consent to their implementation: "agreed?". Feedback that he understood the rules: "Got it? Do you agree?". If ребенок чего-то не понял, то стоит еще раз объяснить и повторить ему правило.

The correct application of the consequences, the fulfillment of the rules by you yourself will reinforce and confirm in the mind of the child the need to comply with certain rules. And this will save you from having to be nervous and overreact to your child's inappropriate behavior.

The main thing to remember is that a child can be required to follow only those rules that he knows about, and for this it is necessary to tell about them even before there is an opportunity to break them. The rules should be clear and specific, because the words "you must behave well" without explaining to the child what is "good" for the child, as well as for an adult, are not clear.

7 STEPS TO SELF-CONFIDENCE

Formation the necessary attitude towards ourselves, our child and the very process of education and the ability to prepare the necessary conditions for the education in our children of those qualities and properties that we ourselves would like to see in them are the basis and a necessary condition for the “education” itself.

The very choice of what qualities and how to educate remains entirely in the hands of the parents. Each of us chooses those qualities that he considers necessary in the life of a child and an adult.

But there are a number of qualities that are perceived as the most important by a large number of people.

Одно из этих качеств - уверенность в себе. Как психологу мне часто приходится сталкиваться именно с преодолением неуверенности и помощи в развитии уверенности в себе у моих клиентов и обучать их тому, как развивать это качество в своих собственных children.

Self-confidence, in my opinion, consists of several components and aspects of behavior, both of the children themselves and their parents.

During our work in this direction, we have identified seven main components that, in our opinion, ensure the development of self-confidence in a child. By themselves, these components or steps towards self-confidence and one's own strengths are not isolated from other qualities and personality traits. Following them, it becomes possible not only to instill in a child (or not to kill him, which is more accurate) a sense of self-confidence, but also to form trust in life, in other people, a sense of responsibility, initiative and independence.

Все это - комплексные чувства и развивая одно, вы вольно или не вольно, воздействуете на остальные. It is possible that you personally will be able to highlight more or less components or develop your own, more effective approach in developing self-confidence in a child. Я не говорю, что наша система "7 шагов" - это единственно правильное решение и других путей нет. I do not give advice on what to do without fail, I indicate the direction in which it is worth moving. And if you go in this direction, you will definitely come to the result. What is self-confidence and how to develop it in your children?

We identify 7 components or 7 steps in self-confidence:

1. Love for the child and care.

2. Parents' own self-confidence

3. Child support

4. Assistance to the child in his affairs

5.