better than ignorance (I'm not talking about the ignorant, who have only this side of knowledge). Дети должны знать обо всех сторонах мира, в котором им предстоит жить и, по возможности, жить Fine. It is quite another thing that knowing about something does not mean using it at all. My teacher said: “In the theory of the mat, I focus on excellent, but I don’t consider it necessary to brag about this knowledge on the fences.” I am of the same opinion.
In any case, your child will hear unprintable expressions from someone and will definitely repeat it. Whether he will use them in the future depends only on the parents. Or rather, from your reaction to what you heard with your wife. Non-constructive ways of responding to such a word include joyful laughter, poking fingers at the cub with the words “did you hear?” addressed to others; aggressive reaction, fainting, plugging the child's mouth and generally too much emphasis on what he heard.

The best way out of the situation would be to calmly and with a degree of disgust say something like: “It’s better not to say that,” while making it clear to your child that you personally are with a light contempt for such statements. It's enough. A child (with the exception of the rebellious puberty, of course) will still use obscene language with approximately the same intensity that he can observe in the cell of society where he grew up.

Personally, my opinion is that only a person who is close to perfection in the literary language has the right to use obscenities. Otherwise, he has not yet matured to the mat. First classics - then all sorts of avant-garde. The opposite is already vulgarity.

The word "no" - dosage
If you have read the Criminal Code, or at least the Decalogue (the ten biblical commandments), with a sufficient degree of observation, you might have noticed that these documents, which claim to be refined truths, consist mainly of prohibitions. I suppose this is because there are many more “possible” things in the world than “no” ones.

It turns out that we live in a happy world, in which it is easier to explain what is forbidden, since there are not so many really important prohibitions. I suppose that a person who is not loaded with religious stereotypes, but who is active in our world, sooner or later will come to direct his actions precisely according to the laws of the Decalogue...

Aerobatics

The task of parents is to make sure that there are as few prohibitions and restrictions in the life of the child as possible, that is, so that only the really necessary remain. However, those that remain should be short, unambiguous and unbreakable.

But enough philosophical ramblings. What is there and how is it with raising children with the help of prohibitions, I will try to explain now.

So, in order to successfully adapt to the world around him, the child must imagine as clearly as possible what he is actually adapting to. The task of the father is to convey this knowledge to him as clearly and unambiguously as possible.

You can let him fill his bumps, own failure teaches much more than someone else's "I warned you," but. until a certain point, until the bump is not in danger. When communicating with a child (and with other members of the pack, it will also come in handy), remember that most often it is not the ban itself that offends, but the tone in which it is expressed. Do not be too lazy to explain, it is very pleasant when you hear reasonable argumentation. If you really think about the educational value of the moment, and not, as usual, about being on top, many prohibitions and conflicts fall off on their own.

So how is it worth refusing with the greatest efficiency and the least loss of nerve cells, of which, as you know, a person has a strictly limited number? So, there are some rules for a "competent" ban.

• Eliminate exceptions. The ambiguity of the prohibition undermines parental authority. Сегодня «да», завтра «нет» – техника блондинки способна свести с ума и вполне оформившуюся личность, не только child. So no concessions and cancellations of once established rules in honor of the weekend or other "in honor".

• No hesitation. As soon as the child suspects that you are not sure that you are right, he will continue to harass you with requests, which is fraught with punishment disproportionate to the crime. Forbidding, forbid confidently.

• Be brief. Brevity is the sister of talent, educational as well. The child is able to remember a clear and concise requirement expressed by the parent, looking into the eyes (it is better to squat down so that your eyes and the child are on the same level - it works).

• Have patience. The rules are not assimilated the first time, because we breathe with you not an ideal gas and we do not live in a utopian world. Repetition is the mother of learning.

You will have to repeat a lot and monotonously, without raising your voice and until you fully assimilate the introduced rule.

• Explain the principle of inequality (a bit tricky here, task with an asterisk). It consists in the fact that the rules concerning the child do not apply to other members of the family (mother is not obliged to go to bed after the final song from "Good night, kids"). Argumentation like “because mom is an adult” is not exactly “condition”. It is better to try, as simply as possible, to outline the relative norms of sleep time for different age categories ... Or come up with something of your own.

• Приободри child. We can say that you love the baby very much, which is why you establish these rules for the purpose of his safety.

• A little cheat. Tell him you're giving him time to think about the advisability of a new ban. The child's psyche has a remarkable ability to appropriate other people's opinions, and, having come in a couple of minutes, the child himself will make a verdict that your decision (or rather, now his decision) was the right one. And no hysterics!

The word "no" is not much different from everything else in the world in terms of its characteristic feature of being good only when used in moderation.

Copies habits - teach independence
On the one hand, starting from the age of three (according to the theory), a child shows to his parents all the behavioral signs of an independence crisis. In practice, this means protests, whims, disobedience and a desire to do things your own way. On the other hand, the primary human adaptation mechanism - imitation - is still in the “on” position, and the child continues to repeat everything he sees after adults and peers (except, of course, what he is specially taught - a crisis, you see. Did you catch the irony of the situation? You tell him: “Son, let’s learn a rhyme!” He: “I don’t want to, I won’t!” But when you suddenly imprudently loudly told your wife an indecent joke, the child will not only learn it, but will not fail to tell it. According to the law of meanness, it will not fail to tell it either in the presence of neighbor grandmothers, or in public transport ... or in front of whom else are you ashamed?

Look, what a thing: it will not work to wean a child to repeat something after you. Because a child cannot imitate. It's like a game, an activity that becomes an end in itself for the child and does not require your approval. Then the age-old Slavic question arises: what to do? Let's think. If you order the baby not to repeat the bad things will not work, what remains? It remains to personally arm him with a branch of the notorious tree of the knowledge of good and evil, that is, to teach him to distinguish “good” from “bad” without prompting from adults. Moreover, the hints still almost do not work - the crisis, remember? Here it is, this crisis, and it will help us to educate independence in a child.
What is independence if you have just turned three years old and, honestly, you are still very dependent on adults? Independence at such a young age is not at all like the complete autonomy and sovereignty prescribed in the first chapter of the Constitution of every self-respecting modern state. This relative independence of the child is expressed in the ability of the child to act according to the existing fraction of his own experience, instead of categorically copying someone else's behavior. And such an ability not to repeat after Vasya Pupkin can be brought up in a child. How? I explain.

Evgeny Vasilyevich Subbotsky, Doctor of Psychology, on whose works I rely on the free retelling of my wife when writing this chapter, defines independent behavior as motivated by the degree of objective correctness of an act, and not by a momentary whim or stubbornness. To put it simply (as Lenin did for the proletariat), acting independently, a child does something not because he wants to, but because he thinks it is right. As usual (and not only among preschoolers), independence manifests itself first in the field of judgments, and only later in actions. If you again resort to the method of the leader of communism, it looks something like this: first, your child will begin to notice how wrong Vasya Pupkin is now, and express this opinion out loud, while in fact completely copying Vasya's actions. And only then the child will