If they treat you badly, then you are responsible for it. You. The attitude of other people towards you is the result of your attitude towards people.

In the army, as nowhere else, this becomes clear and even obvious: you do not share with others - no one shares with you; you are not friends with anyone - no one will be friends with you; you set someone up, so they will set you up too. When you defend your point of view - they listen to it, you keep your opinion to yourself, which means you should be prepared that someone else's will be imposed on you. If you don't stand up for anyone, then no one will stand up for you.

Responsibility is a choice: your own choice of what happens to you is a choice in which you accept the consequences of your actions. The consequences are good and not so good, which have come or are still ahead, which you want to experience, and those that are better to avoid.

Responsibility is the conscious understanding that what is happening is happening because of your specific act. Responsibility is not a punishment, it is the courage to admit to yourself what you have done, and it doesn’t matter if you are punished for it or not, whether someone finds out or does not know. Responsibility is when you say: "it's so, because I decided (did it)", and not "it happened because someone did something, somehow the circumstances were...".

The whole paradox of responsibility lies in the fact that when you take responsibility for your own life on yourself, then life becomes easier.

And only life without responsibility is hard, scary and unpredictable.

When a boy takes responsibility for his life, he becomes a man.

RESPONSIBILITY AS A WAY TO BE HAPPY

When you think about your fatherhood, a picture is sure to be drawn in which you explain something to your children. Explanations can be very different: from why snow falls, and ending with the meaning of life. Хорошо, когда у тебя заранее есть готовые отвеYou. But the questions are most often unpredictable, and many of the answers you don't know yourself.

Taking responsibility helps with finding answers to the most important questions in life. Оказывается, что самые важные вопросы имеют самые простые отвеYou. Only you need to answer them honestly, with a willingness to accept the truth, which is often scary to tell yourself.

Questions about what is important in life, what is its meaning, sooner or later overtake each of us. men for some reason more often and more fiercely than women. It is with these questions that the well-known "midlife crisis" is connected, and depending on how each of us answers these questions, our future life continues.

We can safely say that each person has his own answer to this question. For себя более-менее определенный ответ я нашел и научился помогать находить ответы другим.

Sergei turned to me with a question about the relationship with his wife. But in the process of work, we came to the conclusion that his problem was not that love had passed, and not even in the quarrels that he himself provoked: he could not understand why he lived - he went to work, engaged in disgusting routine. When Sergey turned to me for help, he was 32 years old, six years of which he was married, his son was 4 years old. The last two years, according to him, life was like a quiet madhouse.

Like many, Sergey understood the word "responsibility" as some kind of inevitable, unpleasant obligations that he had to fulfill. Sergei was a very responsible person, I would even say somewhat pedantic.

He said that he probably did not love his wife, but he was not going to cheat on her, as well as leave the family.

“I have to answer for her and for my son. How will I leave her?

Sergey himself was brought up without a father and did not want the same for his son. He was ready to sacrifice his sense of happiness in order for his child to grow up with his father.

To be honest, there are not so many men like Sergey. A hypertrophied sense of responsibility rarely overrides the instinct of self-preservation. In any case, in my practice I met only two such men.

The fact that he should be responsible, Sergei was taught by his mother, citing an example of an irresponsible father. As a result, the mother brought up in her son humility and obedience, which he considered a responsibility. As a responsible son, he went where his mother saw fit. As a responsible person who thinks about the future, he chose a specialty that will be in demand. As a diligent and responsible student, he pored over textbooks that were not interesting to him, and as a result, he got a job in which he worked responsibly at the time he contacted me.

Sergey reached some kind of career ceiling and, according to him, he could not rise higher, but to do what he worked, he was not interested.

He was oppressed by his own work. When I asked why he would not change his occupation, he said that with his specialty he could not do something radically different from what he already did. And to leave for some other area, to start everything from scratch without the certainty that he can achieve something, would be irresponsible.

When the arguments that responsibility is something else once again crashed into Sergey's understanding of responsibility to his mother, wife and child, I decided to change tactics. I was sure that my logic was clear: if your shoes are tight, change your shoes. In the human psyche, not everything, unfortunately, obeys the laws of logic, sometimes emotions and our conviction in something run counter to logic and expediency.

I decided to act on emotions. It is worth saying that different psychologists have their favorite styles of work. Some psychologists are directive, some are accepting, some focus on skill development, others on reflection, others on logic; someone works through the body, and someone prefers to influence only the mental sphere.

В практике, хочешь или нет, но приходиться сочетать разные методики и направления рабоYou. But emotions are clearly not my thing, I prefer to work with logic and ideas. With the feelings themselves, I did not work directly. Perhaps it would have been more effective, but emotional impact is not my forte.

- Do you love your son? I asked him.

- Certainly.

- And how do you see his childhood, the future?

Sergei began to answer me, something about the profession, about interests, about the behavior of his son: about how he would like to see him.

- Do you want him to be happy? I asked, trying to direct Sergei's thoughts in the direction that I needed.

- Yes of course.

- And how will you understand that he is happy, that what he will do will bring him joy? That he is happy with his wife? How will you understand it?

Sergei thought for a while, and then said that if the son would work as he wanted, live with a woman he would love, and as long as he loves, do his favorite things.

I realized that the ice was broken ...

- And what do you think, what will you teach him if he sees that his father does not love his mother, does not like his work and is unhappy in life? Do you love your mother? And how are you Do you think she wants you to be unhappy? Will it make her happy?

Sergey answered "no" to the last questions.

After that, we clarified some points, but in general, the work went on.

The child's responsibility to his parents is to be happy. The responsibility of a parent to a child is to teach him to be happy. It is "to teach to be happy", and not to make his life happy. Therein lies an essential difference.

Sergei's mother did not teach him to be happy. She tried to create a happy life for him, based on how she herself understood it: a good, in her understanding, work, the right, in her opinion, qualities. And if Sergey's mother were in his place, then she would most likely be happy, because she made her life happy, as if she were Sergey.

She brought up a good, responsible, executive person, only - completely unhappy.

After a while, Sergey realized that being happy is also a responsibility. Responsibility to your parents, responsibility to your children, responsibility to yourself.

For me personally, this is the meaning of life. My meaning of life is to be happy. This is my choice and my responsibility to my parents, to my children, to myself.

I taught Sergey this meaning. It took a lot of work to convince him to change jobs, to do what would bring him joy. He could not make up his mind for several months, and then he took it and quit, exchanging the position of the director of some department in a construction company for the profession of a landscape designer.

After he figured out the feeling of his own happiness and responsibility, and changed jobs, his family relationships improved. Feeling for his wife flared up with renewed vigor. Dissatisfaction with one's own life, which resulted in family quarrels, disappeared.

This story is not an example of choosing the right job, although this is also. This is an example of the fact that being happy is not only luck, but also a personal choice: responsibility to yourself, first of all, for how your own life will go.

When you are happy, everything in your life takes on meaning, the complex becomes simple and understandable, understandable enough