in the Orinoco Valley his sneakers left no traces. But how can he speak? How can he paint the beauty of the sun-gilded temple of Karni Mata in some Deshnok or the pristine power of the rocky shore of the Dead Sea!

For this extraordinary eloquence, you are ready to close your eyes to everything - to his hatred for the slightest draft, for the smallest rain, and in general for any whim of nature. At any temperature not equal to plus twenty-five degrees, it becomes unbearably hard for a sofa romance to live. What to do, room temperature is an essential condition for its normal functioning.

This romantic is couch because he talks about distant lands, travels and various secrets of being. raves on the comfortable back of his four-legged friend - an exemplary representative of the family of comfortable sofas.

If you really want the sofa romantic to burn with passion for you, in no case do not rely on his beautiful words entirely. No matter how he talks about the charm of hiking along the banks of the Siberian rivers, do not try to come to him with a kayak on your shoulders and demand an immediate transfer to somewhere beautiful far away. The poor fellow will be very confused and swallow his tongue for a while.

Since silence for a sofa romantic is an extremely atypical and very unpleasant state, he will never forgive you for plunging him into the abyss of silence. Of course, in thirty minutes he will come to his senses and speak with the same power and beauty, but without you.

You can't say he's a pathetic bastard. It's just that he is clearly not a man of action, his lot is beautiful dreams. So не пытайся его изменить, лучше исходи в своих коварных планах из имеющегося в наличии.

And therefore it is better to have a romantic meeting with him in traditional conditions. The very ones that your girlfriends talked about on the phone - at home, by candlelight. Invite him to dinner. Поставь на почетное место парочку канделябров, обеспечь подходящую для сего знаменательного события музыку – например, Джо Yesссена, Патрисию Каас или Криса Ри.

As for the dinner itself, you should not philosophize slyly. Limit yourself to the most ordinary holiday dishes, just decorate them more original and come up with a sonorous name for them. You can still call the same Olivier salad “tears of Aphrodite”. And if you come up with some old family legend or legend for this name (it must be about love), then it will be smitten on the spot.

In table conversations, you should limit yourself to the role of the muse. Arranging a romantic evening is best done on the eve of the full moon to give him the opportunity to pick up a poetic mood.

Another type of romantic is the crazy romantic. He can't sit still for a minute. Despising the comfort of city life, he spends all his free time conquering all kinds of Everests, Mont Blancs and Peaks of Communism.

Отдав должное альпинизму он отправляется на Крайний WITHевер и ставит там над собой разные эксперименты – выживет ли он в обществе пингвинов, если все его снаряжение – теплая clothes, a gun and matches? Of course he will survive. Such people die only from the flu at the age of 120, any more extreme circumstances take off their hats to them and respectfully retire.

WITHумасшедшего романтика совершенно невозможно завлечь прогулками при луне и вздохами на скамейке в черте его родного города, поскольку все типичное для диванного романтика он презирает. Now, if it happens somewhere in the tropics or in the Arctic, then you are welcome.

And if you can still impersonate a native, there will be no limit to his enthusiasm - he will take the memory of your eternal love to Australia in a couple of days.

Therefore, there can be only one way out for you - to follow him everywhere. After a while, you will become the only thread connecting him with his native land among all exotic. WITHтрах, что ты можешь исчезнуть, и он пропадет без своей Ариадны, сделает свое дело.

Well, in anticipation of this bright moment, learn to light fires with a single match, fish with spears and treat some kind of tropical malaria with the help of improvised raw materials - all sorts of poisonous herbs.

Besides, поскольку ваш роман будет разворачиваться прямо на лоне природы, тебе придется отказаться от таких традиционных способов соблазнения как шпильки, чулки, короткие (и длинные) узкие юбки – в общем львиная доля всего арсенала сердцеедки для тебя окажется недоступной.

Of course, a lot of things are excusable for a woman in field conditions. No one would even think of demanding perfect makeup and hairstyles from her in the vast expanses of the Gobi Desert. But if your route runs through cities where there are hotels, restaurants and other benefits of civilization, you should take some stunning outfit out of your backpack and please his eyes. The Grand Canyon and Niagara Falls are a grandiose sight, but is a beautiful woman worse?!

In addition, the very fact that you are a woman (despite equality and emancipation, any romantic piously believes that a woman is a weak and defenseless creature) will make him treat you like a knight - save you from all kinds of snakes, poisonous flies and not moderately voluptuous natives.

If the stars are so formed that it was you who had to play the role of the superman hero, pulling him out of the depths of the Pacific Ocean, then at the final moment of the rescue operation, do not forget to throw yourself on his neck with a cry of gratitude. Speak in a voice breaking with excitement, “God, I was so scared! Darling, if not for you, I would have died of fear! and give thanks for the salvation. For greater credibility, you can lose your senses in a picturesque way, that is, faint. In the end, he will believe you (and what else is left for him?), And we have already discussed the influence of the role of the savior on the feelings of a man in one of the previous methods.

The third romantic is a nostalgic romantic (abbreviated as RN). RN is constantly immersed in deep melancholy, as he is facing the past. Which one is not so important. Maybe it will be the times of early Christianity, maybe the times of knights and beautiful ladies, or maybe the unforgettable era of his pioneer childhood.

RH, for unknown reasons, living in our time, is found in abundance among students of humanitarian universities and junior researchers. If your love is a graduate student, wears glasses, and goes into a sacred trance in front of works of art depicting female beauty, there is an 89% chance that he is a RH.

Communication with such a romantic is by no means a gift, but conquering him is a much less laborious process than conquering the two previous types. Romantic conquest of his heart can only be called conditionally, since it will only be so for him. But the end can not only justify, but also ennoble any means. So с помощью аутогенной этого процесса.

So RN suffers all the time from the fact that now everything is not the same as in the era that he chose for his ideal. It is understandable - the Universe has one such quality - to change over time, and it is difficult to say in which direction. Neither this best of all worlds nor its people escaped this fate. And no matter what RN thinks, dreams about, the situation is unlikely to change.

To win his heart, you will need the following. Find out exactly what historical time is a role model for him. Communicate with him on this subject, call for frankness, RN sometimes likes to talk about painful things, since ordinary inhabitants of the planet Earth hardly understand him. If you have a more than vague idea of ​​those distant times, go to the library - you will not need more than three days to read the necessary literature.

It is not necessary to engage in rigorous research, it is enough approximately understand the color of those times. And - right, guessed it, turn into the heroine of his novel.

Invite him to dinner (if he resists, offer him a joint viewing of hard-earned literature in your house). Take care of the interior of your apartment. You should not buy new furniture, carpets and everything you need, it is quite possible to get by with drapery of a fabric that is suitable in color and lighting.

Set the table. You can do this as your heart desires, but it would be nice to keep the general style.

Now is the time to take care of yourself. Prepare the appropriate costume - the mantle of an ancient Greek woman, a Cleopatra outfit, an Empire style dress, or a pioneer uniform - what is he raving about. Do not torment yourself with fears - what if he misunderstands everything, and what if he considers you special with strangeness? And he will understand correctly, and these oddities will find a lively response in his soul.

Either way, you'll get a rare opportunity to try your hand as an actress, and he'll get a woman who can turn his dream into reality. Is such a wonder of the world lying on the road? Of course not.

As soon as he sees his ideal in reality, he cannot help but fall in love with you. True, some difficulties are likely along this path - at first he will stubbornly call you his Cleopatra, Aspasia or Zina Portnova. But after