He is like a chameleon which constantly changes its color, reacting to the storms raging within its being, and to the demands of the outside world, which it so longs to meet. We can and should understand that he is doing what he is naturally supposed to do; we can recognize the needs underlying his behavior.

Needs

A teenager goes with the flow, pushed, on the one hand, by the call of his own soul, his inner world, and the call of the outside world, on the other. In adolescence, parents should be especially attentive to the boy in order to help him find balance, find a foothold between his inner need to respond to the complexities of life and the call to action coming from outside.

A teenage boy needs physical activity. The sharp increase in hormone activity during adolescence makes most boys very restless. His own body suddenly becomes alien to the boy, often being a source of awkwardness and embarrassment. It seems that a teenager consists only of arms and legs. Some boys naturally realize their aimless energy in physical activity, in sports. Prowess and courage in this area give the boys the opportunity to go out into the big world. They literally live for football, basketball or the track, raving about it in their dreams and in reality. For others, this insatiable energy pushes into themselves, the boys sink into depression, move away from the raging life around them.

Physical activity is essential for all boys of this age. AND родители просто обязаны, хотя это и нелегко, помочь сыну найти такой вид активности, который бы подходил ему наилучшим образом, а не загонять на спортивные тренировки, которые, возможно, противны его натуре. A calm boy who tends to withdraw into himself under the influence of his excess energy may shudder at the mere thought of team sports such as rugby or basketball, but swimming or wrestling may be just what his nature craves. A teenage boy must definitely load his body physically, and it does not matter what it will be - cycling, walking or weightlifting. Only then will he be able to think clearly, formulate and ponder the questions that he will answer for the rest of his life.

Boys need peace and quiet. The rapid changes in the adolescent body and the developing intellect cause confusion and a keen sense of their own isolation. It may seem to the boy that he is strange, that no one else is embarrassed by an unexpected erection, that only his legs seem to live their own lives. Большинство подростков стараются заполнить каждое мгновение бодрствования деятельностью, движением, звуками, чтобы избежать мучительного ощущения одиночества, которое преследует почти каждого в этом age. However, any teenager needs time to be alone, in peace and quiet. A strict daily routine soothes the body and soul, allows you to set aside time for creativity, art, self-discovery, analysis and relaxation - everything a boy needs to fully flourish.

Teenagers will always have their own loud music that infuriates parents. Each generation has its own version. But the noise pollution of the technogenic era, with its constant roar and roar, no matter where it comes from - from transistors, TV, speaker or stereo speakers, gave rise to a generation of people whose ears and souls are deaf to the numic melody of their own breath, frog croaking at dusk, bird chirping at dawn, the laughter of the beloved and the rustle of the wind.

The teenager is especially susceptible to hyperstimulation by sounds and movement: he constantly lives on the verge of a nervous and emotional breakdown, and this makes him very vulnerable. His energy pushes him to do everything at once, emotions make him feel everything that is possible, from the highest to the lowest. He uses music and TV to fill the void and pass the time, although his nervous system needs rest and rest to avoid overload and explosion.

An attempt to advise a boy to spend his free time in silence can be met with violent resistance if the boy has already turned into an unruly teenager who has not developed such a habit. It is never too late to start, but he will never agree to this if we never do it ourselves. We will make ourselves look stupid and infuriate our son if we insist that he turn off the music and spend time in his room in quiet reflection, while we ourselves are at this moment flopping in front of the TV in the hope that he will lull us into cultural prostration. A time-out with peace and quiet is effective when it is arranged for the whole family. We do not say that it should be for everyone at the same time, but it is easier for the son to follow our example than to try to do it on his own. Если мы регулярно посвящаем время медитации, спокойным размышлениям, отдыху, рисованию, рыбной ловле, слушанию звуков природы или любому другому занятию, которое позволяет успокоить мозг и тело, наши сыновья охотнее попробуют поступать Also. Только в тишине мальчик может научиться слушать свою собственную душу, ценить общение с самим yourself. These two abilities are among the greatest gifts that any boy can inherit.

Teenage boys tend to group together. Boys between the ages of 13 and 17 are both attracted and repelled by the group. The peer group gives them a sense of identity that seems elusive at this age. Boys are very worried about whether they are accepted by the group and whether they are popular in it. The search for a group to join, and the worries if a group in which the boy would feel good cannot be found, make adolescence especially painful for the boy and difficult for the parents.

It is very important that during these years of experimentation and searching, parents hold the center, as a mother does for a baby when he begins to explore the world around her knees. It is necessary to treat with respect and understanding the confusion in which the boy is, his suffering in search of his group and attempts to join at least some group of peers. Feeling our sympathy, children are more likely to turn to us for advice, they are more likely to seek refuge from us in order to take a break from the struggle. The group personifies for the child the values ​​​​that he adheres to, determines who and what he wants to be. The choice of his group is one of the first important decisions that a teenager makes on his own. AND ему нужно знать, что мы прикрываем его тылы.

It is especially difficult when a son ends up, in our opinion, in the wrong company. Dick, who has a fourteen-year-old son, watched Brent struggle to win a place at the new school. Dick says: “Our move was very difficult for Brent. He's timid and hard to make friends, so when he started hanging out with a group of boys known around the area as troublemakers, I got worried. Fred, my close friend, comforted me. He advised: “Tell him about your experiences. He is still young and needs your advice. He may resist your intervention, but he will surely feel relieved by your support.

Dick continues: “At first Brent was very offended, but when I told him everything that worries me, he was grateful to me. I shared with him how I once made friends when our family moved to a new city. It was a rather difficult time of my loneliness, so I understood how he felt at the new school. I told him that the choice of friends is one of the most important decisions he will have to make in his life. People will judge him by who he is friends with. I said that if his friends are disturbing the order, then even if he is not involved in this, in the minds of people, he will still be involved in everything that his friends do.

With the support of his father, Brent managed to move away from the company of troublemakers. AND до тех пор, пока он не обрел новых друзей, Дик старался проводить с ним побольше времени, занимаясь тем, что им обоим доставляло удовольствие.

ANDз-за друзей мальчика во многих семьях идет тяжелая борьба. But let's ask ourselves the question: "What will we do if the sons, regardless of our opinion, join a gang or company of guys whose values ​​are significantly different from our own?" In this case, we must carefully weigh the possible consequences. If it seems to us that communication with these friends threatens the son with danger, if he does not want to heed our warnings, then we will be forced to put up such fences that would protect the boy from trouble. What will these fences be? If there is a danger that the boy may be maimed in a gang fight or arrested for petty robbery or theft, our instinct tells us that we should surround our son with a brick wall, forbidding him to meet with "bad influences." ANDменно с этого во многих семьях начинается война поколений. Having decided to meet with someone with whom he feels good, the boy begins to lie, violate the set time for returning home, and generally becomes unbearable. Pat, a single mother, shares how she managed to cope with such a situation.

Alex had just turned fifteen when he met Dillon. It was incomprehensible to me, but some instant and strong connection arose between them; they wouldn't have parted at all if I allowed it. The trouble was, the entire Dillon family was known to be dysfunctional. Dillon was