Marriage statistics have recently looked like a social catastrophe: the number of divorces is almost equal to the number of marriages.
According to psychologists, this happens mainly because many people get married for all sorts of ridiculous reasons, except for one true one – to build a family. The well-known psychotherapist and author of numerous books, Mikhail Litvak, spoke about who will be able to create a happy family, and who will have to replenish the divorce statistics.
In one interview you said that there are no happy families…
There is. But not enough. I have researched families myself. For 11 thousand families, there were 3 happy ones. But most importantly, only happy families are normal. The rest is pathology, the cohabitation of two unfortunate people.
Is this a Russian feature?
Why? In one way or another, pathologies are everywhere.
Why are there so many divorces? Do people make mistakes in choosing a spouse?
This is because people are poorly educated. They were not taught to think, they were not taught to choose a husband or wife. We conducted a survey – which of the declarations of love you like more. The following options were proposed: “I can’t live without you”, “I will never offend you”, “Let’s pull the strap of life together”. So, 75% of women chose the explanation “I can’t live without you.” Can’t you hear that this explanation is typical for a man-child or an alcoholic? But no one liked the true declaration of love “Let’s pull the strap of life together”.
What is love anyway?
This is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love. Everyone says: there is no one to love. Do you know how to love? Our marriages are essentially a sucker: “I can’t live without you.”
And what happens to love over time, where does it go?
Over time, love becomes stronger and stronger … And if it was not originally there, then it gets worse and worse.
What is the difference in the perception of marriage between men and women?
Men and women see marriage the same way. But where did you see men and where did you see women? We have pants-wearers and skirt-carriers. So, first you need to become either a man or a woman, and then build a family. Only a physically healthy, spiritually developed and financially accomplished person has the right to create a family. Do not deal with poor non-professionals.
If the relationship began with intimacy, what future awaits them?
Intimacy should happen later. And at first it should be a shared vision. Love is not when they look at each other, but when they look in the same direction. Canadian researchers have identified four factors that make a family strong. The first is a general outlook. The second is general gastronomic tastes. And only in third place are intimate relationships. On the fourth, by the way – the desire to stroke each other. And when a family is created through a bed, there is nothing good in it.
Men often compare themselves to males and claim that cheating is a must…
Cheating occurs because people made a mistake in choosing a companion. If you made a mistake and married (married) the wrong one (the wrong one), it is natural that someone else begins to like you.
What kind of women do not change?
Physically healthy, spiritually developed and financially independent. Our women have three sexual disorders: pedophilia, bestiality, masochism. Firstly, they take a man not as a husband, but for upbringing. Secondly, they live with alcoholics. What is an alcoholic? This animal. And thirdly, they suffer from masochism: they love being bullied.
If a woman is physically healthy, financially independent, but no longer young? Does she have fewer prospects?
She has more prospects! This is a woman in the juice. It has already taken place. She doesn’t need a side dish, she needs a steak.
How to conduct reconnaissance at the initial stage of dating and determine whether this person is “your” or not?
By communication, by gestures, by the manner of dressing. Socrates said: “Tell me something, I want to see you.” After a few phrases, you can determine who is in front of you and whether you match in worldview.
If there are any discrepancies, can a woman adapt to a man or try to re-educate him?
No. It is necessary to take finished products, not semi-finished products. Mature people should marry. And you can re-educate only one person – yourself. If you make a mistake, then you need to break up. And look for another.
Where is the best place to look?
Only at work. When you observe a person at work, you see how he has become. Here we are now working together, and you can form an opinion about me … And at evening meetings or in nightclubs – a collection of liars.
Have the needs of women changed lately?
They haven’t changed in the last hundred thousand years.
And what about the fact that girls now want to marry status men?
And rightly so. So they are ripe. But you have to be status. In our country, unfortunately, most women have the psychology of a latent prostitute: to find a rich man to feed. And for this they plan to run the household and give themselves up in bed. Things should be called by their proper names: this is prostitution. However, there are now many men who can be called latent gigolos who are looking for rich women, but do not want to develop themselves.
But there is a theory that a woman should only inspire a man, create comfortable conditions for him, remaining in his shadow …
You are confusing a man with a trouser-bearer. A man doesn’t need to be inspired. He himself is inspired by his work and its result. You can’t live for a woman or for a man.
And for the sake of the children?
Moreover, it is impossible … Children are something ephemeral. Children, no matter what they are, good or bad, will still leave you at the age of 18-20. A man and a woman are closer to each other, and children are something temporary. A by-product of our love.
As a result of divorce, women remain with this “product of love”, and men claim that they do not want to marry a woman with a child …
For a man (and not a trouser-bearer), a child from his first marriage is not a problem. Why? Because he is ready to do everything for the child, if only his beloved was there. But when a woman herself believes that a child is the most important thing in life, she will never be happy in marriage.
There is an opinion that the institution of marriage is dying out, that the future belongs to alternative types of cohabitation. How do you feel about the guest form?
Guest marriage is not so bad. It happens that people live in a civil marriage – it’s normal. And as soon as they registered, they began to live poorly.
What is the reason for such changes?
That a person wants to be free. Formal marriage binds him. The seal in the passport does not change anything for a smart person. But for a fool – changes.