day you won't even get a single rose on your birthday. Then you will make a scandal to him for some insignificant reason and you will complain to your friends that your husband has stopped paying attention to you, romance has left the relationship, that he is inattentive and insensitive. Painting, as they say, oil ...

On the other hand, if you react to the bouquet inappropriately exaggerated, as if it were not a bouquet of flowers, but at least a new fur coat, then the fur coat, the Mercedes, and everything a man is capable of will follow. Why? Yes, because your reaction of gratitude is the main incentive for a man to try to please you. And having experienced such bliss once, seeing your eyes filled with joy, he will strive to reproduce this feeling again and again!

One man told me how he gave a woman a car. No, it was not his wife, but his mistress. The wife would take this gift for granted, so updating her vehicle did not inspire a man at this stage of his life at all. However, he spoke about the reaction of his mistress with such enthusiasm that it was clear: the very next day he wanted to buy her something else! The girl accepted the gift so joyfully and with such stormy delight that a pleasant feeling from her reaction was forever fixed in the man’s memory!

The mechanism of such psychological reinforcement is called conditioning. It's like a drug that you want to take again and again. However, unlike a drug in the literal sense of the word, this drug is useful. He brings joy to a man and inspires him to repeated care and all new manifestations of love.

The gratitude drug is a great motivator that creates only positive incentives! I, as a man, know that when you are grateful for something, you want to do it just for the sake of the very fact of gratitude. Ask any trainer - even animals can be motivated with gratitude. And even more people!

At эмоции благодарности есть еще одна способность делать отношения лучше. Upfront gratitude is a good way to reinforce a man's desired behavior, even if it doesn't show up right now, or shows up but not enough.

This method works on the principle of prompt suggestion. “I am grateful to you for your concern” - suggestion of caring. “I am grateful to you for your responsiveness” - suggestion of responsiveness.

So, it is easy to control a man through the manifestation of sincere gratitude! Next, we will look at practical techniques for practicing this magical ability.

Plus minus plus sandwich
There is a classic scheme for reporting any negative information, criticism, an unpleasant request, in general, everything that can strain a man. You obviously don’t need a tense man, because you won’t be able to talk with him, which means there will be no result.

The principle of the "plus-minus-plus" technique, as the name implies, is to impose a "cotton" of positive on a hard "projectile" of negativity. And in this case, it is most convenient to use gratitude as a softening layer!

The general formula, therefore, will look something like this: "Darling, I am very grateful to you for ..." (what he did for you recently and you liked - "cotton-1"), "... please, next time ...”(for example, “be gentle with me” or “call if you are late” - “shell”) “and then I will ...” (“very calm, happy, satisfied, grateful” - the promise of a magical sensation - “cotton wool-2”).

Practice on a nearby man, see how wonderful it works!

Daily plan of psychological "strokes"
The easiest way to learn to praise and thank your man is to just do it! Approach this pleasant activity creatively, with warmth and love. It is not necessary to say the same word "thank you". It is very good to use "I-statements": "I am so pleased when you help me wash the dishes”, “I enjoy your jokes”, “I am so proud of you”, “I am grateful to you that you understand my workload and do not get angry”, “I appreciate your patience”, and so on.

Или это может звучать так: «Atра! Wow! I like it so! Where did you find such beautiful flowers?! I am the happiest!" With such an emotional expression of feelings, you literally raise a man to heaven. You show him that it is pleasant for you. And when he wants to see your smile and happy eyes again, he will give flowers again, and maybe a whole garden!

Task: Plan to give the man at least five full, high-quality, pleasant “strokes” per day and scrupulously monitor the implementation!

I thank you for...
Relationship conflicts always speak of a lack of gratitude. Fixing it! Take a piece of paper and write down what you are grateful to your man for. The difficulty of this task lies in the fact that it will be considered completed only after the appearance of at least 40 items in the list. More is possible, less is not! Do it right now. Here are some ideas for overclocking. I am grateful to you for:

• that you show concern for me;

• that you earn money for our family;

• our child and for your attention to him;

• your efforts to ensure that our family does not need anything;

• that I feel safe and comfortable with you;

• that I can be myself next to you;

• that I can rely on you in difficult times.

This is a very good and healing exercise. Firstly, a reminder of the reasons for gratitude will always be at your fingertips (and you will be ready to voice them at any moment), and secondly, you will be surprised that there will simply not be a frequent need to do this verbally - your look will say everything for you. you!

How does he know that you are grateful to him?
Quite often, a woman lives a life together with a man, being in full confidence that he correctly perceives her signals of gratitude and interprets them exactly as she sends them. This may be a mistake, because the other person is literally another universe. Therefore, in order to expand the potential of their capabilities, it is necessary to master the maximum number of ways to implement them.

Assignment: Write down 300 ways (with details) to express your feelings to a man. Gratitude. Divide them into those that are expressed in words (you can take from the previous task), and non-verbal ones (touching, massage, etc.). Discuss these methods with a man. Let him say what suits him best.

Your admiring gaze
How often do you look at your partner with admiration? Admiration helps a man accomplish feats! When he feels that he is admired, he begins to adore the woman and devotes himself devotedly to her.

Try right now to look at your man with different eyes, as when you first met. Be sincere!

If you still think he should
If you can't get rid of the bad habit of taking the good things that happen to you for granted, do the following exercise.

Look at the apartment, at your husband, at everything he does: he brings money to the house, kisses him in the morning and helps around the house. And then - delete it all! No... everything disappears, not even the cat. And you are alone. And then it flashes through your head: horror ... horror! horror! horror! It takes two seconds, you replay the loss of your husband, and after that there is an update of the situation, feelings and behavior.

Then, cheerful and refreshed, you begin to appreciate even the fact that he just came, and if he also brought flowers, then this is generally happiness. The man will be grateful to you for your appreciation! If he feels that his efforts have not been in vain, he will redouble them with renewed vigor.

Chapter Conclusion: If Gratitude “Didn’t Work”
If suddenly, despite the implementation of all the recommendations from this chapter, something with a man does not work out for you, look into your soul. How sincerely does this, as yet only external, gratitude respond there? Remember, people are able to communicate telepathically, so a purely technical “giving out” of gratitude that does not affect the deep emotional layers of the psyche will not work. But if you experience this feeling sincerely, then, in principle, no psychotechnologies will be needed. Is it just a little...

Then, if you passed the test for sincerity to yourself and this fundamental condition is met, you have the official right to remove responsibility from yourself by returning to the above-mentioned topic of clinical masochism. Perhaps your man's mother (unfortunately) did not praise him - so he does not understand a normal language. This might be the real reason why it's all on him your efforts are not "working". However, this happens very, very rarely, and changing the deep attitudes that form the character is no longer for “home” psychotherapy.

Disagreements and disputes are present in the life of every couple. We live in times of constant stress, so we often have conflicts. What is the difference between marriages that persist no matter what, and those where quarrels eventually lead to divorce? What matters is not the frequency of disputes, but the behavior of spouses in conflict situations and how they relate to each other in everyday life.

Gratitude is the main thing that you, dear reader, can do for your man. Based on it, you will build amazing, deep and saturated with love and care relationships!

Why do you need me when you have this book?

Our book is coming to an end. I tried to set out in it the most important principles for