How to control a selfish man. 48 simple rules. Elena Valentinovna Rvacheva

Introduction.
After all, I just want everything to always be my way. (George Bernard Shaw)
"And who doesn't want that!" any of us can exclaim. However, wanting does not mean living under this motto. Only egoists do only what they want, regardless of the opinions of others, including close and dear people. As the song says: “You choose the ladder to heaven yourself, and you choose the balm for your soul…”
You met HIM - your ideal man. You fell in love, and he simply conquered you with his self-sufficiency, perseverance, determination and initiative.
It's nice when they do something for you, for example, they choose a movie that you will watch after work, book a table in a restaurant, and even advise what to wear there.
How considerate he is! After all, he does it all for you. You accept his advice and invitations with gratitude and respect. Indeed, what difference does it make which movie to watch if you go to the cinema with your loved one. Yes, and you can wear not your favorite dress, but what he likes. You do not want to upset him and change all your plans, just to be in time for a restaurant.

But time passes, and you notice that his calls are only heard when it is convenient for him, and you can wait for him for hours. And that you usually go to those places that your lover likes, and if you try to object, you hear in response: “I know better” or “I have already decided everything.” And you want to be consulted with you, devote you to all matters and discuss plans for the weekend. But you attribute this behavior to the fact that he does it for the good of you and your relationship. And God forbid. However, most often a person does this solely because it is convenient for him. Your chosen one is used to doing everything in his own way, caring first of all about his own comfort and pleasure. And this is pure selfishness.
Waiting for things to change one day is useless.
The realization of selfishness will not come to him by itself. Life teaches this, and often quite late, when relationships come to a standstill and it is already difficult to fix anything.
Therefore, if your loved one is an egoist, there are two ways. The first is to endure and let him love you more than you. The second is to show him his mistakes and try to work together to derive a formula for a happy relationship that takes into account the interests of both parties.
If you are ready to fight for your love or just want to understand if you should be with such a person, then this book is for you. Try not only to read it carefully, but also to analyze your relationship, build your own model of happiness, help yourself and your chosen one to be a person even more successful, loved and happy.
You can't change an egoist! It can only be tamed. Even a tiger can be trained, but that does not stop it from being a predator. You can find an approach to the most severe king of animals, if you do everything right.

Chapter 1
Is he an egoist?
Definition
Selfishness is not a disease or a bad habit, so it is difficult to talk about its symptoms and even more so about the methods of treatment. The manifestations of egoism are as diverse as the degree of falling in love with oneself.

Rule #1
Evaluation of someone else's egoism depends on the perception of this concept, as well as on self-esteem and the degree of one's own egoism.

In other words, the perception of the egoism of a loved one occurs primarily through the prism of our own selfishness, so it may not always be objective. The more we love ourselves, the more selfish we see the actions of others that do not correspond to our ideas about love, relationships and family.

There are signs by which you can identify "sick" egoism:

● Solving your own problems at the expense of other people.

● Imposing your opinion on others.

● Demands to fulfill all whims and whims, while refusing to meet the needs of others.

● Unwillingness to admit they were wrong.

To understand how selfish your loved one is, answer the following questions and see what happens as a result.

1. When you are going to the cinema with your loved one, what is his/her role in choosing a movie?

########a) he always trusts you;

########b) you choose, but he has the right to vote;

########c) chooses the film himself, but tries to take into account your opinion;

########d) you will watch what he chooses.

2. How often does he share his things with you?

########a) whenever you ask;

########b) only if he does not need this thing himself;

########c) very rarely, in exceptional cases;

########d) never.

3. If you start telling him about your problems, how does he feel about it? applies?

########a) always listens carefully;

########b) listens if there is time;

########c) will listen, but then he will definitely tell about his difficulties;

########d) ends the conversation, citing being busy, or simply changes the subject.

4. Is he able to give gifts for the holidays to people if he is not sure that they will reciprocate?

########a) he usually does that;

########b) it doesn't happen often;

########c) yes, if this is the “right” person;

########d) is not capable.

5. Is it true that when he chats with friends, the topics of conversation are mainly about his person and what is happening in his life?

########a) no;

########b) sometimes;

########c) only if there is a serious reason;

########d) usually yes.

6. At work, he was offered to take a high position, for which he clearly does not have enough experience. How will he act?

########a) refuse;

########b) will try to help find a more suitable candidate;

########c) agree to undergo a probationary period with the right to withdraw;

########d) will agree without hesitation - such a chance should not be missed.

7. You and your loved one enter a half-empty bus or subway car. Who will be the first to take their place?

########a) let you through;

########b) it turns out differently, he doesn't care;

########c) will allow you to choose out of respect for the female gender;

########d) he will sit down first.

8. Does he rejoice in the failures of his enemies?

########a) he has no enemies;

########b) not happy;

########c) only if these failures are minor;

########d) always rejoices.

9. Does he usually talk loudly?

########a) no, he considers it a sign of bad manners;

########b) only if you are sure that you are not disturbing anyone around;

########c) only if he is in a good mood;

########d) speaks as he wants.

10. Does he consider himself a person offended by fate?

########a) no, he lives better than many of his acquaintances;

########b) he is satisfied with life, but it could be better;

########c) sometimes he has similar thoughts;

########d) yes.

A - 0

B-1

C-3

D-4

Results:
0 - 17 points

"Altruist". You cannot call him an egoist with all desire. Maybe it's heredity or features of education, but he just needs to participate in the fate of other people and help someone. He can become an ideal employee of a charitable organization. However, problems in his personal life are likely to await him - it is difficult for relatives to understand his desire to live in the interests of other people. There is a good chance that they will eventually turn their backs on him.

18–26 points

"Caring". He is not used to putting his own “I” too high, so in the family and in the team he becomes a horse that does all the hard work and at the same time constantly gets scolded. He perfectly understands the injustice of such a situation, but he cannot do anything about it. Those around him feel that it is on his neck that a collar can be hung, but he does not have the courage to object. However, in this situation, you can find a lot of advantages, provided that he really loves the business he is doing. After all, one who does not work hard is not able to truly appreciate the rest.

27–36 points

"Healthy egoist". We can say that his position in life is as close as possible to the worldview of primitive people, which means that it is pure and sincere. He is not used to living for the sake of abstract social ideals, he prefers to think first of all about his own interests. And a person who loves himself has no special reasons for concern - after all, he took care of the rear and comprehended the secret of harmonious existence. Of course, he has his own oddities, but he gives them a clear place in life and leaves the right to have small weaknesses to other people. In general, his life goes in a positive direction, and by maintaining his own "I", he prolongs his youth.

37–40 points

"Superego". He is the embodiment of world egoism. It is difficult to imagine a more self-centered person. The whole world around exists only to indulge his whims and satisfy his needs, growing day by day. He is confident in his exclusivity and chosenness, and if something does not go the way he wants, he begins to get nervous and threaten. In certain circumstances, such a line of behavior may be the only correct one - for example, if he is a middle manager, and his subordinates are not very intelligent employees. But in his personal life, in friendly communication, his manners can do him a disservice.

Rule #2
In love, an egoist is one who allows himself to be loved.

Look at your relationship and try to answer the question: “Who in your couple loves, and who allows you to love yourself?” Manifestations of egoism are