Easy encyclopedia for future fathers. Lionel Payes, Benoit Le Goedec

Thank you,
Elia, Yael and Cecile...
goes without saying;
Benoit Le Goedek,
who supported me and helped me edit the entire book;
Dr. Beatriz Di Massio and Dr. Luc Guran,
sharing their knowledge with me, each in their own field;
François, Gerard, Laurent, Mike, Thibaut
and other popes, present and future, who enriched me with their experience and asked me questions with an open heart.

Foreword
The day of childbirth is the day of the birth of not only the baby. His mom and dad, so to speak, are reborn.
Many men consider themselves fathers from this day on, but each of them uses the time before the birth of a baby in his own way.

Nine months of pregnancy is a journey that must be taken in order to prepare and accept the new role to be played in the family. Of course, you will agree: in order to part with the role of a child and become a father, you must first of all change yourself. The path traveled just allows you to adequately meet the baby.

At the initial stage, a man also needs help, we must not forget about his individuality. A man will be able to correctly perceive the coming fatherhood only if he gives vent to his own emotions, answers his questions.

This is very important, since a man occupies a key position in the tripartite relations established after the birth of a child: he contributes to the introduction of the realities of the outside world into a close family world; he helps the woman temporarily renounce close ties with the child; finally, he gives the child freedom.

And all this is due to the fact that he remains a man: a man's smell, a man's voice, man's gestures are very important for a child. The paternal principle is manifested primarily through physical contact. But often you have to push men, force them to take an active part in the life of a child, so that they feel like they are in a new role and can build relationships with a woman mother.

For example, a midwife who visits the baby at home can listen to the new father and calm him down, or he can attend a special group that is organized at the maternity hospital for young fathers.

I hope this book will serve as an addition to such meetings and will become not only a collection of formal rules, but also a revelation that everyone a man must walk his own path completely freely and that, having freed himself from many things that he previously possessed, he can be reborn in a new state - and become a father.

Benoit Le Goedek, акушер
Fatherhood is one of the most difficult things on Earth, but nonetheless one of the most desirable.

Unknown
A person who says that he sleeps like a baby usually does not have children.

Leo Burke
Earthquake, volcano, tsunami Shaking me from head to toe...

"What's said must be done" by Jack Highelin
Père Noel pooped.

Yael
The moon, it shows the time at night.

Elia (at 2 years old, 3 years ago)
The father is no longer a distant hero, whose majestic appearance led the children to awe and even a little frightened. Now more than ever, the role of a father involves attachment, sharing daily life and social behavior with children.

Boris Tsiryulnik, neuropsychiatrist and ethnologist

Introduction
At first I flew on the cloud. Not only that, I was the captain of that cloud. Nine months of carefree happiness. After a long evening in front of the TV, we began to count the contractions, as we would count sheep after the end of the program on the channel "Arte", and suddenly I teleported to the antenatal ward of the Pitier-Salpêtrière hospital. Without Captain Kirk's modern space-disk suit, but with a funny hat on my head (I imagine how it would look on George Clooney!), in a chic transparent robe and shoe covers that make me look like Mickey Mouse, I float into the sweet and softening numbness.

This tiny girl, this kitten, she seemed to me as fragile as a porcelain cup, she only remotely resembled me, but I seemed to always carry her ... in my arms. I, a clumsy, tall bumpkin, was not even afraid to drop it. What do you want, a state of goodness. Я распускал перья перед патронажными сестрами и акушерками, я перекладывал Yael с одного плеча на другое, качал ее на руках. At the time it seemed so easy. Until we got into a taxi. Until we got home. There, behind three bolts of an armored door, a beautiful idyll turned into a family nightmare. Suddenly everything became heavy, complex, serious, mechanical. Everything turned into one big problem. Goodbye, the ease of my former life!

It took us more than one day to get used to the new reality - both for her and for me. As I changed bottles and diapers, I gained confidence, I began to see the baby in the context of my life. I think I created a real relationship with my daughter the day I realized that by listening to her, looking at her, I would find answers to most of the questions that I asked myself. You will also have the right, you will also be tangled in three pines, changing diapers and doing everything else, and then you will suddenly discover that just looking at a newborn in a cradle, here in front of you, is cleaner than skydiving, high mountain a trip to the other side of the earth, a World Cup final in football, rugby or something else.

I hope these modest, practical tips, gleaned from my memories of being a dad (I'm already a twice-daddy) and from experts in young children, will help you avoid drama and convince you that you are the best dad!

Every time you come across the rubric “And it happened to me”, you will find testimonies of fathers who went through the same fire, water and copper pipes, and find out what way out they found, read about their tricks and tricks.

The seventh edition of the book, like the first, has the same goal: to help every new father on his path of discovery, without moralizing him or making him feel guilty.

Lionel Payes
Act 1. Pregnancy through the eyes of dad

Overture
At first, you don't even dare to dream about it. No, you were told that it was already three months, but you did not even want to think about the child that would be born. After all, it is possible to jinx it. You almost denied it, could not imagine that this kitten is very close, here. However, your girlfriend has not changed much in these three months. And one morning you wake her up and notice that her tummy is suddenly rounded, just like that, right away. She might actually be pregnant!

And at that moment you have an attack of nausea, you are overcome by fear that you were saving for a more appropriate occasion. Doctor visits, antenatal appointments, nursery dossiers, ultrasounds (first, second, third...) all help you create perspective, chart a path to see a little further than directly under your nose. This is where it all starts.

“Before taking the test, are there any objective signs of pregnancy?”
Some preliminary symptoms make you think about a possible pregnancy. Delay or absence of menstruation is the most common and conclusive symptom. This is what most often motivates women to take the test.

However, the absence of menstruation can be explained by a host of other reasons: fatigue, discontinuation of the contraceptive, overweight or, conversely, sudden weight loss, hormonal problems ... The classic symptom is morning sickness, usually from the 2nd to the 8th week from the moment of conception. Also, one of the signs of pregnancy is swelling of the mammary glands in the first two weeks. During pregnancy, the areola often becomes darker. Other signs: pain in the lower back, headaches, due to a sharp increase in the content of hormones in the blood. Also, symptoms of pregnancy can be considered increased emotionality, more frequent urge to urinate (the uterus presses on the bladder), increased vaginal secretion, aversion to certain foods and an irresistible craving for others, as well as a strange metallic taste in the mouth.

"Pregnancy test, how does it work?"
Clearblue, Bluetest, Revelatest, Predictor... pregnancy tests sold in pharmacies are sticks or plates on which, after contact with urine, a blue strip or cross appears, indicating the presence or absence of pregnancy (the signs may be different from different manufacturers, therefore, read the instructions for use carefully). These tests, based on contact with urine, detect the presence of the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin, which is present in the urine only in pregnant women. You can test for pregnancy at any time of the day, but it is better to do it in the morning, more concentrated urine. Thus, even in the early stages, the test will reveal the presence of pregnancy.

A piece of advice that you can give to your partner is not to drink a lot of liquid before the test, so as not to dilute the concentration of this very hormone.

“My wife doesn't want to quit smoking. What is the risk to the unborn child?
A woman who smokes is three times more likely to have a spontaneous miscarriage, and this risk is not excluded for an expectant mother exposed to secondhand smoke. In addition, tobacco increases the risk of ectopic pregnancy and premature birth. As a result, the weight of a newborn child of a smoking mother is 200-300 g less than that of a non-smoking child.

If we add to this complications during childbirth, it will more likely give a desire